Lottery
by Startix-Master of the NoLess
Summary: For all Jaune's gifts, common sense wasn't one of them.


**Disclaimer:**

RWBY belongs to the amazing Monty Oum and Roosterteeth, not me.

* * *

"You can't be serious with this again."

"As serious as a heart attack."

"Which is what I nearly had when you first brought up this idea."

Jaune sighed and held his head in his hands. "I still don't see why you won't join me on the panty raid."

Lie Ren's eyes widened and he waved a hand animatedly. "Keep it down; I don't want anyone else to hear."

It was stupid. Insane. It was likely to get them both killed or worse. But still Jaune refused to let the issue die. A panty raid. At first Ren thought he was being silly. Or having a mild stroke. But when he realized he was serious he responded with a deadpan "No." and thought that was the end of it. Oh, how wrong he was.

For the next week Jaune pestered Ren about the panty raid, over and over and over. His persistence was endearing at first, but then Ren's legendary, sage-like patience began to wear out, and he began contemplating strangling his teammate.

"Why," asked Ren, and Jaune flinched a little at the edge in his voice. "Are you pushing this so hard?"

"Because it's a right of passage!" declared Jaune in as loud a whisper as he could muster. "Since the dawn of time, boys our age have indulged in the legendary harvest that is the panty raid! A night of intrigue, danger, and naughtiness~"

"And death." replied Ren. "Don't forget death."

Jaune scoffed. "Death from what?"

Ren ticked off his fingers. "Let's see…shot, cut in half, frozen, cut in half, punched to death, shot—"

"Okay, okay, I get it! But come on, Ren, aren't you at least the least bit interested? Haven't you always wondered what Nora's intimates look like?"

A roguish smirk found its way to Ren's face. "Who said I don't already know?"

Jaune's jaw dropped as his cheeks turned pink. "Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You what?!"

Granted it was when he and Nora were kids and she had that habit of jumping from swings while wearing skirts, but Jaune didn't need to know that.

"Okay, so maybe not Nora, but what about the rest of the girls? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! The day we've waited for! Where we can spread our ecchi wings and enjoy the springtime of our youth!"

Ren raised an eyebrow. "Why do I feel like you've prepared this speech in advance?"

Jaune laughed nervously. "That's, that's ridiculous." Discreetly, he shoved a crumpled piece of paper deeper into his pocket.

Ren sighed. He liked Jaune, and he considered him a great leader, but he knew if he didn't agree to this ridiculous request, he'd bug him about for the rest of the school year.

"Fine."

Jaune almost squealed, clapping his hands together. "You mean it?"

"Sure. Let's do your silly panty raid."

"Yaaaaaaay!"

Ren couldn't help but smile a little. Jaune was such a dork sometimes.

* * *

**That night…**

"Ren, it's go time."

Ren rubbed the sleep from his eyes and turned to Jaune. "I suppose there's not gonna be any talking you out of this?"

"Moment's come and gone, my friend." smiled the blonde. "And while you were off catching your beauty sleep, I was…in action."

Jaune held up a small bag, the contents of which seemed dubious.

"Jaune…" Lie Ren. "While I was asleep, did you steal Nora and Pyrrha's panties?"

"Yeah, I did."

"…How."

"I already told you; this is a time of enjoying our youth and—"

"No, I mean, how, physically; HOW did you do it? Pyrrha is one of the lightest sleepers in the school and Nora's a borderline insomniac."

"Well, I wouldn't say borderline."

Jaune let out a girly scream has he leapt into Ren's bed, turning around to face Nora. "Howdy!" she said, waving.

"Y-Y-Y-You…how, how much did you hear?" squeaked Jaune.

"All of it." She motioned for the boys to lean closer. "And for the record, I'm the light sleeper. Pyrrha just has good reflexes. Watch."

Plucking the pillow out from Jaune's head, she tossed it over to Pyrrha's bed. With lightning speed, she reached under her bed, grabbed Miló, and stabbed it right through the pillow, just before it hit her. With a yawn, she turned over, never opening her eyes once.

Jaune and Ren stared in awe, Nora reaching down to close Jaune's jaw. "Whoa."

"Jaune, I'm having some serious second thoughts about this mission."

"Aw, c'mon, panty raids are fun!" Nora pouted, and the boys noticed that she had a bag of her own clutched in her hand. "They're an important part of the springtime of youth!"

Ren narrowed his eyes. "I can't help but feel like you guys are quoting something."

"Enough chatter; let's go!" Using her god-like strength, Nora yanked the boys from the bed and dragged them out the door, eager to begin raiding.

* * *

Ren may have been against the whole idea of the panty raid from the start, but as the night went on, he actually found himself having…fun. He saw a side of Jaune that he never saw when the blonde fought. He was calculating, efficient, fast…where had this Jaune been hiding the whole time?

"Go, go, go!" Jaune whispered as they bolted from the laundry room, hefting his own bag over his shoulder. Nora followed in hot pursuit, giggling like a madwoman, and Ren nonchalantly strode from the room, making sure to close the door as they left.

"Anyone have the time?" Nora asked as the trio ducked around the corner.

"I think it's almost 4 in the morning." replied Nora.

"Excellent! I'd say that's a fair amount of time. Let's head back to our room and revel in our spoils."

"Yay! I'm not sure what 'revel' means!" cheered, Nora, fist pumping.

Ren shook his head as he followed the two back. He really had some weird friends.

* * *

When the three returned, Pyrrha was still asleep, and with only hours until they had to be up for class, they figured now was the best time to indulge in their riches.

With a flourish, Nora emptied out her bag, Jaune following suit with exuberance, and Ren half-heartedly tossing clumps out.

"Holy Dust." exclaimed Jaune, his face redder than Crescent Rose. It was like a perverted flower garden. Dozens of panties lay between them, and even Lie Ren was amazed at the variety that some of the girls seemed to have.

"It's like a dream come true…" squeaked Jaune, holding up a frilly chestnut pair with red lace. "Velvet has pretty good taste."

"Ooh, lemme see, lemme see!" Nora snatched the panties from Jaune's hands, looking them over. "They're so soft…and they have bunny ears all over them~!"

Lie Ren wouldn't say it freely, but he thought that was adorable. With interest now piqued, he fumbled through the pile, pulling up a pair of bright yellow ones with a pale blue, burning heart on the seat. "I…I think these are Yang's."

"Nice." Jaune and Nora said in unison.

The three scrambled through the pile, sorting out the contents. In a matter of minutes, they found those of the rest of RWBY's, JNPR's, and quite a few from some of the other girls in the school.

"A thong…" Nora commented as she held up the blue and white g-string. "No wonder Weiss is so cranky all the time."

Jaune turned over a pair of dark purple bloomers with black ruffles. "Who's Rowan?" he asked, eyeing the name on the waistband.

"Isn't she that really intense girl with the naginata? She's part of Team FURI?" replied Ren, twirling Ruby's black and red polka-dotted underwear on his finger.

Jaune suddenly went deathly pale and set the panties down. "I think I should go give these back pretty soon…"

"Not before I show you guys THESE!" Nora held up a pair of incredibly lacy, fluffy, and frilly panties in a mixture of white, purple, and black. Both boy's eyes nearly fell out of their skulls when they saw the name written in the waistband.

"Glynda Goodwitch!?" they quietly shrieked, Ren even temporarily losing his stoic persona.

"Guess she really appreciates the finer things." giggled the redhead, tugging the undergarments.

"You—how—when did you get those!?" asked Jaune.

"Remember when I said I had to go to the bathroom? Well, I did; Ms. Goodwitch's."

Jaune clapped slowly, head lowed in respectful bow. "I am in awe of the master."

"Even I have to admit, that's pretty impressive." smirked Ren.

"Thanks." blushed Nora. "And it was totally worth it. They smell REALLY good~"

Jaune swore for that second his heart stopped.

"Oh, I almost forgot to ask." Nora held up a crotchless, ash-grey pair with a cat face on the back. "Either of you know whose these are?"

Jaune looked over the panties, but couldn't find any defining traits. But there was something else about them…

"Why's there a bite mark on them?" asked Ren.

"Because they're edible." put in Nora.

Jane very nearly had a stroke. "H-How do you know that?"

"Because they smell like cotton candy." A pause. "Plus I nibbled on them a bit."

"Oh, god." whispered the blonde.

Ren rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "So, who could they belong to?"

"Me."

Jaune let out another girly squeal, whirling around to meet the narrowed, angry amber eyes of Blake. She managed to look intimidating even in her pajamas, and the folded arms and scowl made her look even more dangerous. She looked down upon the pile ladies underwear, quirking an eyebrow. "Busy night, I see."

"Please don't kill us." whimpered Jaune.

"That all depends on you." She held out her hand. "My underwear, if you please."

June almost threw the panties at Blake, the brunette pocketing them swiftly. "The three of you ought to be ashamed. Stealing underwear in the dead of night. Have you no shame?"

"No." was Nora's reply, making Blake blink in surprise and the boys stare.

"I should tell everyone what you were up to…but I'm willing to let this slide one condition."

"Name it." said Ren, eager to put an end to this night.

Blake held out her hand again. "Give me Yang's panties."

The silence that followed was deafening. "Someone's just as naughty as the rest of us…~" sing-sung Nora.

"N-No, I'm not!" exclaimed Blake, cheeks pink. "I just…want to make sure they're not kept in the hands of people who might do something illicit with them."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." teased Nora, tossing Yang's intimates over to Blake. "Now, you promised, no telling anyone; deal?"

"Deal." replied Blake. "And we will never speak of this again."

The four nodded in agreement, and Blake quickly left the room.

"Well, now that that's out of the way," Ren said, yawning and stretching. "We should probably hide these things and get some rest before tomorrow."

"I'll take care of hiding them." volunteered Jaune, already gathering up the underwear.

"Fine by me. Nora, see you in the morning."

"Night-night, Ren." Nora bid brightly, hopping into bed and falling asleep almost immediately.

_'Borderline insomniac…' _Ren chuckled to himself, climbing into his own bed._ 'Yeah, right.'_

* * *

When Ren awoke, he was surprised (and a little perturbed) to find himself staring down the barrel of Miló, held by a VERY angry-looking Pyrrha. A very angry-looking Pyrrha who was holding a very terrified-looking Jaune by his ear, who held Pyrrha's red and gold panties in his hand.

"Either of you care to explain this?" she asked, gesturing downwards at the bag of panties that was protruding from beneath the bed.

Ren facepalmed, glaring at Jaune as if to say "Under the bed? REALLY?"

"I'm waiting." Pyrrha said, cocking her weapon.

Lie Ren sighed and nonchalantly pushed the weapon aside. "We…sort of went on a panty raid last night."

Pyrrha's next words almost made the boys faint. "Without me?"

**END**


End file.
